So I couldn't help but notice 'Reboot Week' has gone really badly, Prime Minister
This week was supposed to be 'Reboot Week' for Boris Johnson.
For all intents and purposes, 'Rafiki Week.'
This page prides itself somewhat on being the absurdist antidote to Boris Johnson's government. Most times, the absurdity hides the tragedy and the humour hides the inherent sadness that we all collectively experience.
This week has been no exception.
Imagine, you spend almost 2 months doubling down, shifting, obfuscating, admitting, apologising - hiding from the Partygate allegations and your entire party desires change.
And then we proceed into a week where… actually, there were no changes and everything remained exactly the same.
On Monday
Change finally occurs - after a trip to Blackpool, apparently - according to MPs like Mark Jenkinson, and the Prime Minister manages to hire a man [Guto Harri] who, no sooner than being hired, is reassuring voters that Boris Johnson wasn’t “a complete clown”.
Following this, Harri was being put on resignation watch following the revelations that he was alleged to have lobbied the government on behalf of the Chinese company Huawei via PR company Hawthorn Advisors.
Hawthorn Advisors, by the way, was co-founded by familiar face on this page Ben Elliot - from Quintessentially fame, noted by the Financial Times and frequently alluded to on this page as being the figurehead of the Conservative Party “money network” of spurious donations and cash-for-access.
Further accusations of cronyism arose when it was also revealed that Guto Harri was on the board of directors for an energy company called Hydro Industries. Since taking up the position in No. 10, he has resigned.
Serving as former adviser to Johnson when he was London mayor, Harri has been accused of having gained “privileged access to government” after receiving support from the Prime Minister [and a grant from the Treasury’s ‘Future Fund’ worth £3.5 million] following a £150 million deal with an Egyptian energy company.
This was only two days after he was appointed, and already at that point Johnson was singing Gloria Gaynor’s ‘I Will Survive’ while backroom roles were filled by:
Stephen Barclay who - in addition to his cabinet role and being an MP - has been appointed Chief-of-Staff.
Former City executive representing the wealthy Sussex seat of Arundel Andrew Griffiths, who has been tasked with overseeing key Tory policy [including delivering on the ‘Levelling up’ agenda]
And Lynton Crosby’s associate David Canzini, who has been tasked with essentially preventing the Conservatives from ripping each other apart.
So it was off to a great start already - and that was only Monday following calls for resignation after Sir Keir Starmer was harassed outside Portcullis House by protestors haranguing the Leader of the Opposition with the exact language-note-slur used by Boris Johnson the week previously.
By Tuesday
A mini-shuffle came.
Jacob Rees-Mogg is demoted from Leader of the House to being a 'Brexit Opportunities' minister, which there doesn't appear to be much rush to celebrate because by Jacob Rees-Mogg's own admission, there won't be any benefits that we see from Brexit for over 50 years.
His first job will be justifying why businesses have faced higher costs, more paperwork and border delays since our departure from the EU, according to the Public Accounts Committee.
They noted that far from freeing up firms to boost productivity and contributions to the economy, the “only detectable impact” of Brexit so far has been to increase the burdens on businesses.
But who replaces Jacob Rees-Mogg in the role of Leader of the House?
Why, it's former chief whip Mark Spencer, of course.
Page subscribers will remember Mark Spencer from being the man who essentially told the Conservatives to get behind Owen Paterson, resulting in a scandal that almost single handedly destroyed the Conservative Party.
Actually, there was a period shortly after the affair where this page predicted he would be on resignation watch after it went completely pear-shaped and Spencer was being viewed somewhat as the sacrificial goat.
Page subscribers will also remember Mark Spencer from the time when he was accused of blackmailing Conservative MPs, resulting in the departure of Christian Wakeford, an investigation by the Metropolitan Police [that was dropped, bizarrely], and the disdain from fellow MP Nusrat Ghani, who was told that she was sacked from a ministerial job due to her “Muslimness.”
Ghani told the Times that she had:
“...kept quiet after being warned that if she continued to raise the matter she would be “ostracised by colleagues” and her “career and reputation would be destroyed”.
Mark Spencer was replaced by ERG-ultra Chris Heaton-Harris.
You'll [probably?] remember Heaton-Harris from when he sent threatening letters to every university in the UK asking them what they were teaching regarding Brexit.
This appears to be his only distinction.
Although it's possibly more of a distinction than the promotion Michael Ellis received - he went from working IN the cabinet office to working FOR the cabinet office, having spent the last few weeks being wheeled out to answer urgent questions at Boris Johnson's behest and to serve as his human knife vest.
In other ‘so loyal I’d be prepared to jump on to a sinking ship with you, dear leader’ news - Boris Johnson practically begged, it is said, disgraced former whip Chris Pincher to return to the whips office despite previous allegations of sexual assault against Olympian and Conservative candidate Alex Storey.
James Cleverly, meanwhile - was moved sideways across the foreign office to become Minister for Europe and - it seems - Cleverly, as our minister responsible for Americas policy, was stripped of responsibility for Americas policy mid-visit to... you guessed it - the Americas.
So obviously you won’t be surprised that in less than 2 days into the start of 'Rafiki Week', the Conservatives managed to fabulously cock-up the ‘Reboot.’
But here's the thing:
We can joke about the cabinet mini-truffle shuffle and we can mock Johnson's new appointments, but mocking ministers is only usually funny when people actually know who the ministers are - and what qualifications they lack that are similarly also worth mocking.
His MPs want to see "real change."
They were assured that they would get "real change."
They went out [probably drunk] into the jungle of the broadcast media and said there was going to be “real change.”
They told their constituents that “real change” was happening.
Instead, to draw them all back in - voters and MPs alike - when they feel politically homeless after Partygate, the Owen Paterson affair and other scandals, Boris Johnson gives them the mighty Stuart Andrew, the 11th Housing minister in 12 years - the 14th if you include Michael Green, Corinne Stockheath, and Sebastian Fox alongside Grant Shapps [who are all the same person].
And to ‘the mighty’ Stuart Andrew, voters ask: "who?"
Just as they likely did with Heather Wheeler, a newly-appointed cabinet office minister whose main claim to fame was in her previous role as Homeless minister when she was forced to apologise for using inappropriate [and racist] language in describing homeless in her constitency as, “the traditional type, old tinkers, knife-cutters".
Luke Hall - Conservative MP for Thornbury and Yate? Not a whisper.
Wendy Morton - Conservative MP for Aldridge-Brownhills? Nope, nothing.
No screams of “finally!” from darkest ‘Red Wall’ - which has been told by Tim Leunig, that they “should expect lower wages” according to an unearthed and obscure Policy Exchange paper by the Chancellor's current economic advisor.
Indeed, with some MPs already telling BBC's Laura Kuenssberg:
"…nothing has changed - the Prime Minister just makes things worse"
And warning shots from Sir Bernard Jenkin insisting that things have "got to change", it seemed - quite frankly - that nothing actually had.
That was Tuesday.
By Wednesday
The entire thing was beginning to unravel yet again as it was revealed the NHS plan for tackling the backlog of patients was going to stretch far beyond 2025.
Voters were told that they should feel reassured that waiting lists will “soar no matter what” and “will continue to rise” - with the only sign of relent happening some time around 2024.
Neatly timed to coincide with any general election.
By which time, obviously, Sajid Javid would have presumably turned Brexit-back-logged wine imports into water and miraculously made the waiting list ‘disappear’ - as he has with coronavirus.
Even though he hasn’t, when it was revealed that 314 people were recorded as having sadly died [within 28 days] on Tuesday alone.
Later, the Prime Minister announced an end to all self-isolation rules and a scaling back of mass testing from the end of the month - even though there is no scientific consensus to support the measure, the British public feel it is a bad idea, the decision is “very brave and very stupid”, and leaves thousands of clinically extremely vulnerable and immunocompromised people fearing for their lives.
A good thread on ‘living with Covid’ [by Independent SAGE’s Prof. Christina Pgel can be read here:
In other ‘not living with Covid news’, it was revealed [the day after - on Thursday] that the “gold standard” ONS Covid infection survey could be scrapped in April if the Treasury fails to sign it off for another year, leading to some - including Dominic Cummings, no less - to call it, “stupid” if it happens.
A short reminder of the risk posed by coronavirus was when Health minister [!] Gillian Keegan held a face-to-face meeting with bereaved parents despite knowingly testing positive on a lateral flow test.
This came as “very low profile” Conservative Party donor Lord Armitage agreed that Boris Johnson’s leadership had “gone beyond the point of no return” and the Prime Minister, meanwhile, was engaged in a legal dispute - which No. 10 has denied - over Lord Ashcroft’s book about his wife, Carrie, and her influence over government policy.
This also came at the same time as Boris Johnson was saying that he would not resign even if he were to be fined by the Metropolitan Police over the Partygate scandal.
An excellent thread by barrister Adam Wagner later explained just how much the Prime Minister may be forced to pay if he is given a Fixed Penalty Notice:
The day just got worse from there as the Prime Minister failed to answer basic questions at a disastrous PMQs - on fraud, the difference between loans and discounts, the impending cost-of-living cris, and crime statistics - and single handedly managed to upset everybody in Bradford by confusing it with Leeds.
The Mirror, setting the tone for the remainder of the day, however, gave the Prime Minister a not-too-subtle Partygate nudge.
They revealed another picture from a party [on December 15 2020] that the Metropolitan Police previously said did not meet the threshold for investigation - leaving Tory MPs behind the Prime Minister showing each other the incriminating picture on their phones
Earlier on Wednesday to discuss his “cool” new appointment as Leader of the House, former chief whip Mark Spencer stated:
“When you get out into the real world and you talk to real people, my experience is they are saying to me 'you know what really matters to me is the cost of my energy bills, the NHS backlog post-Covid, making sure the economy is growing and my job is secure'."
In other words, people in “the real world” don’t care about the Partygate allegations even though it has changed their minds towards the Prime Minister and left the Conservative Party utterly paralysed.
Indeed, the Metropolitan Police were certainly interested after they decided to re-investigate the December 15 2020 party.
They sent 50 letters [as part of so-called 'Operation Hillman'] to people to find out more details.
On a wholly separate matter, according to The Guardian, the Metropolitan Police were also said to be deciding on whether to consider an investigation into the Downing St. flat refurb - following allegations that the Prime Minister may have broken the Bribery Act.
A case of watching this space
This came after the BBC showed a party political broadcast on behalf of the Conservative Party that - remarkably, given how toxic his image currently is - didn’t even include the Prime Minister.
And that was just Wednesday.
By Thursday
We woke up to the news that Boris Johnson was preparing to send 1,000 more troops to support NATO which, as explored previously, was certain to terrify the Russians - who, by the way, had already implied that foreign secretary Liz Truss was a blithering idiot.
Compounding matters further was the language used by Russia’s deputy ambassador to the UN Dmitry Polyanskiy who said last week:
“…we don’t trust British diplomacy. In recent years, British diplomacy has shown that it is absolutely worthless.”
Point #1 - Polyanskiy is sadly probably right. [See ‘EU Negotiations’, Post-Brexit trade deals]
Point #2 - Which says everything about just how far down the proverbial toilet our country has been flushed when we’re being educated on the language of diplomacy by a country whose definition for ‘diplomacy’ involves sending foreign agents to try and exterminate their expatriates with Novichok - on British soil, no-less.
Point #3 - Which, by the way, was dealt with by our foreign secretary at the time [one Boris Johnson] by taking a trip to stay with billionaire friend Baron Evgeny Lebedev, “of Hampton in the London Borough of Richmond upon Thames and of Siberia in the Russian Federation” - and reportedly debase himself like a Khlysty monk in an Italian palazzo belonging to Lebedev, son of former KGB Agent Alexander Lebedev.
Not that there’s anything to see there, folks.
Incidentally, the press conference between Truss and her boorish Russian counterpart Sergei Lavrov ‘went a little something like this’:
The talks were viewed as an unmitigated disaster.
Jacob Rees-Mogg, meanwhile, invoked the spirit of Lord Kitchener in saying that to meet the challenges of Brexit, “your country needs you” in an open letter to readers of The Sun titled ‘Dear Jacob’ pleading with readers to help him find some.
For example:
‘Dear Jacob,
HM Revenue & Customs have predicted that companies will have to fill in 215 million customs declaration forms every year because of Brexit red tape and will need 50,000 extra customs agents. What do you make of that?’
Yours faithfully,
Marc’
A remarkable irony [probably missed by Rees-Mogg] in the article in The Sun is the picture - it seems the nadir of modern patriotism is best represented by the font from late 80s episodes of ‘Neighbours.’
Presumably, Rees-Mogg needs us to contribute more in the absence of Rees-Mogg's own exorbitant wealth which, of course, is funneled into the UK via the EU; specifically via the more favourable tax-friendly Dublin.
The day proceeded well for said Prime Minister, as former Prime Minister Sir John Major - and no stranger to sleaze himself - eviscerated Boris Johnson and his conduct in an Institute for Government speech.
Speaking to some who probably consider themselves true Conservatives, though a rare breed in modern politics, he said among other things in a speech that you can read in full here:
Clearly rattled, Boris Johnson - already walking away from an interview whilst stuck in Poland pretending to play ‘world leader’ - responded like this:
Guto Harri [see ‘On Monday’], Boris Johnson’s new Director of Communications, later retweeted an endorsement of Sir John Major’s message, then un-retweeted it, and then changed his Twitter bio to tell people to dismiss any further tweets as were apparently not being communicated by him.
Even though that is literally his job.
Oops.
Speaking later on Thursday, on a wholy different matter relating to the Metropolitan Police investigation into Partygate, the Prime Minister said that he, "will have plenty to say when the process is complete."
Problem was that as of Thursday, the Police had yet to contact Boris Johnson [they contacted him by Friday].
Then, on Thursday night, the Metropolitan Police Commissioner Dame Cressida Dick resigned in disgrace following a number of crises involving the Metropolitan Police, and only hours after she said that she had “no intention” of leaving.
In doesn’t matter to Nadine Dorries, of course.
Dorries told CNN that only in the event of the Prime Minister “kicking a dog” would she ever call for his resignation.
The silver lining is at least we know what it’ll take, I suppose - although according to reports, analysis shows that Dorries is actually turning off supporters.
And that was just Thursday.
Then on Friday
The Chancellor woke up to the news that the first person on his case was Money Saving Expert’s Martin Lewis who was calling on Rishi Sunak to either “scrap or substantially amend” the £200 October energy rebate…loan…con… scheme that he says, according a YouGov poll, the vast majority of people in want to opt-out off.
Double-bad news for the Chancellor on Friday, too, as the Public Accounts Committee said that the lenient approach to tackling fraud - best typified by the Chancellor writing off £4.3 billion in Covid loan fraud - risked "rewarding the unscrupulous", officials - like Sunak - were seen to be "soft on fraud” and their plans to recover fraudulent payments were “unambitious.”
Triple-bad news for the Chancellor, actually, as Institute for Fiscal Studies’ Paul Johnson disputed the claim chuntered across the broadcast media that the UK has the fastest growing economy in the G7 - and said that it isn’t true.
There’s more information here courtesy of Full Fact which states that it is, “true if you look at change over the most recent 12 months of data. If you look at growth over the last quarter of data (Q2 to Q3 2021), the UK places fifth.”
But it works as a soundbite - right?
Boris Johnson, meanwhile, was reported to be seeking private legal advice in the event that he is questioned over the Partygate allegations - with the expectation that he use the “workplace defence.”
The Times were reassured by a Downing St. source that the Prime Minister, “will not be winging it.”
Note: a wise man says, the Prime Minister would have done this a long time ago.
Note, note: a very wise man says, the Prime Minister wouldn't have found himself in this position to begin with to have to appoint a private lawyer.
Note, note, note: an incredibly wise man says, the Prime Minister would not have spent the last 2 years attacking those in the legal profession.
A crucial point in the Times piece, however, is where a senior ally to the Prime Minister posited the question:
“There is inevitably a degree of discretion here. Do you want the Met Police deciding who the prime minister is?”
In other words, ‘does the Metropolitan Police understand the gravity of the consequences in awarding the Prime Minister a fine?’
The implication is that it could finally be an acknowledgment that Johnson would need to resign or would inevitably be forced out if the police issue him a penalty notice [as noted before - ‘by Wednesday’ - he’s looking at a fine of ‘at least’ £10,000].
On the other hand, if Boris Johnson does lose his job, according to a “senior ally”, it’s the Met's fault. Not the fact that the Prime Minister broke the law.
Much to be read about this, however - but mainly, that it could be construed as intimidation; or even that the Prime Minister is somehow exempt from the rule of law - and almost explictly, and solely, because he is the Prime Minister.
A.V. Dicey’s second principle of the rule of law, meanwhile, states:
“Every man, whatever be his rank or condition, is subject to the ordinary law of the realm.”
Does the Attorney General agree?
Apparently not [although for clarity - this was said on Thursday].
Suella Braverman, of course, and despite her failure to grasp the rule of law, being one of the Johnson faithful that - like Chris Pincher [see: ‘By Tuesday’] seems rather happy to be jumping on the sinking ship rather than off it.
Not so in the case of former Conservative leader Iain Duncan-Smith, however.
Duncan-Smith is primarily vexed with Boris Johnson after he decided to re-open trade negotiations with China [see: ‘On Monday’ regarding ‘Huawei Hari’] - and nobody, not even his own MPs including Iain Duncan-Smith, can quite understand why.
Perhaps as a consequence, Duncan-Smith has also decided to add his voice to the number of MPs that are beginning to say that Johnson could not survive as Prime Minister if the Metropolitan Police issue a Fixed Penalty Notice.
Which, by the way, seems ‘somewhat’ likely when they’ve apparently dedicated themselves to proceeding with the investigation on Partygate despite Cressida Dick’s departure the previous evening.
This is good news - I think? - even though they’ve admitted that the only reason they didn’t investigate matters sooner was because:
“…press reports did not identify who had been at the gatherings [*], no one had come forward to admit presence at any of the gatherings [**], and there was no evidence from social media showing these gatherings taking place[***], and from which those present could be identified.”
* - Yes they did. It was on the front page of The Guardian.
** - No, and that’s part of the reason why the Prime Minister is in a pickle at the minute - because he denied the bleeding obvious.
*** - Yes there were; I wrote about it in the last article before I tested positive for coronavirus.
This, frankly, is why Conservative MP for Telford Lucy Allan - despite previously coming to the Prime Minister’s defence and saying that “trying to remove an elected PM… is anti democratic” [even though Allan herself did just that with Theresa May] - later retracted comments and told constituents that the Prime Minister’s position was now, “terminal.”
Then the week couldn’t have ended any other way - really - besides finding ourselves on the precipice of an extremely brutal conflict with Russia all the while being led by a man that is bunkering down, writing questionnaires sent to him by the police, and speaking with lawyers about how best to save his own skin - incidentally, becoming the first Prime Minister in history to carry the dubious honour of being the first to ever be interviewed [essentially] under police caution.
No it really is that absurd, and that, friends, was just Friday.
A Conclusion - The Final Stretch… Honest
This is Conservative MP Mark Harper.
What Harper says here is disingenuous - because he knows Johnson will never change.
Others, too, like Sir Bernard Jenkin, desire to see change - evidently, if they have not seen it in the last two months, since Christmas or indeed this last week, they’re not likely to get it at all.
Actually, it was almost inevitable that it would end like this - over something, frankly, that is so ridiculous in comparison to other historical ministerial scandals that it’s almost as though it doesn’t compute to those Conservatives within the Westminster bubble that the public are so furious.
They have known it about the Prime Minister for years, and every single week they fail to admit it to themselves [by the absence of a censure motion], the Conservative Party as a whole gets swamped in debasement and filth - if anybody ever believed it was anything besides.
The court of Boris Johnson was always going to be run by a clown.
The stories; more stupid, more ridiculous, more absurd and more serious by the day - it was never going to end [if it ever does end] any other way.
But here’s something to consider - for Conservatives who might read this article:
This article could have very well been written 2 years ago.
What makes Conservatives think that by the end of next week, the stories will be any different?